I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We talked him into tasing himself.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
