I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
