So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
