I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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