She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
