Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All the doctor said was why
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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