Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
