it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
