FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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