I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
