Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
