We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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