Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
