fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
