wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
