It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
