They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
