Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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