put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
