i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
