Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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