meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
