So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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