I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
