Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
