I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
