Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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