I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
