i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
