Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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