Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
