why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
