I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
