If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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