you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
