his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
