My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
