You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
