ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
