The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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