you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
