remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
