we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
