You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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