I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
