The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
