I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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