mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
