Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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