I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
