He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
