Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
